Vice and Virtue
161 aphorisms · 5 comments
Aphorisms in This Category
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
In my day, we didn't have self-esteem, we had self-respect -- and no more of it than we had earned.
When you're angry, take a deep breath and count to ten. When you're really angry, swear.
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.
The more you put into life, the less you will get.
Pardo's First Postulate: Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get another chance later on.
Revenge is sleeping with your enemy's wife. Sweet revenge is the realization that she's a lousy lay.
The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I'll walk carefully.
The only people you should try to get even with are those who have helped you.
The scriptures teach us the best way of living, the noblest ways of suffering, and the most comfortable ways of dying.
If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?